I ask myself what he did.

New York s metabolism filled me with its energy and its toxins.

He said it was like a light that went on in our lives.

In the hope that it will help change behaviors. I thought myself pathetic in my failure to react.

I tried to convince myself that, No, no, I have worked for the policy changes.

And, you know, I'm just thinking, Oh, my god, my whole family got in a van and drove down here from Pennsylvania.

And again, he said, This painting of me with my son Jeremiah shows me as the successful man that I feel that I am.

I had bought into the single story of Mexicans and I could not have been more ashamed of myself.

And on a particularly dark night of December of 2004, I sat down with my family, and I said that I had become very disillusioned.

he would tell you, as he told me, I asked myself, he said, What did my grandparents and my great grandparents do to protect the forest for me?

I've spent the last decade subjecting myself to pain and humiliation, hopefully for a good cause, which is self improvement.

I didn't even bother talking to my uncle Mahmoud my mom had called him and heard crying all around him. His wife was mourning the death of her brother.

It was way more important to me, about me and my man box card than about Sheila and what was happening to her.

Over the last seventeen years this addiction was established through daily negotiations with life s routine. New York s metabolism filled me with its energy and its toxins.

My soul is weary of my life. I will give free course to my complaint. I will speak in the bitterness of my soul.

Surely I have stilled and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with his mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me.

So she uncovered her prostitution, and uncovered her nakedness then my soul was alienated from her, like as my soul was alienated from her sister.

My soul is weary of my life I will leave my complaint upon myself I will speak in the bitterness of my soul.

Surely I have behaved and quieted myself, as a child that is weaned of his mother my soul is even as a weaned child.

So she discovered her whoredoms, and discovered her nakedness then my mind was alienated from her, like as my mind was alienated from her sister.

I turn myself on when ... Because most of the time, people like to ask the question, You turn me on, what turns me on, and I'm out of the question. You know?

I have convinced myself it is the strongest weapon humankind possesses, way more powerful than the trail of power games, bomb craters and bullet holes in our collective memories.

I had access to him. I could study him, have him come to my home, get to know him, do psychological analysis to see, was he a good apple or bad apple.

Nirvana. I found Nirvana. And I remember thinking, there's no way I would ever be able to squeeze the enormousness of myself back inside this tiny little body.

I don't really think of myself as a designer, I don't really think of myself necessarily as a fashion designer.

So, I figured, Oprah had dedicated an hour to doing this breath hold thing, if I had cracked early it would be a whole show about how depressed I am.

They are first cousins, and you know what happens when, you know so there's a terribly weird freaky side to me, which I'm fighting with all the time. So to try and get through today, I've kind of disciplined myself with an 18 minute talk.

Why do I even care?

Let me correct myself.

And I remember a particular one night that, when you told that story of I don't know where you are Dr. Nuland of William Sloane Coffin it made me think of it.

I mean, I've been saying I've been prepping.

I tried to kill myself twice.

I just want to hug them all.

For my own sake, for my own sake, will I do it for how should my name be profaned? I will not give my glory to another.

For mine own sake, even for mine own sake, will I do it for how should my name be polluted? and I will not give my glory unto another.

And so on. If I think of myself as a musician ...

So I said, I'm going to dedicate myself.

I will present myself at the meeting.

I exhausted myself by walking a long distance.

Allow me to properly introduce myself first.

My soul stays close to you. Your right hand holds me up.

My soul has observed your testimonies. I love them exceedingly.

Let my soul live, that I may praise you. Let your ordinances help me.

Praise Yah! Praise Yahweh, my soul.

My soul still remembers them, and is bowed down within me.