Hold his front paws, squeeze his front paws, stamp on his hind feet, squirt him in the face with lemon juice, hit him on the head with a rolled up newspaper, knee him in the chest, flip him over backwards.

Whatever goes on its paws, among all animals that go on all fours, they are unclean to you. Whoever touches their carcass shall be unclean until the evening.

And whatsoever goeth upon his paws, among all manner of beasts that go on all four, those are unclean unto you whoso toucheth their carcase shall be unclean until the even.