I'm not kidding.

I'm serious.

I'm only joking.

I am only joking.

Do I look like I'm kidding?

No I'm kidding we don't I thought it best to talk in pictures.

Which is pretty impressive right? We won! Mister Splashy Pants was chosen. Hmm, just kidding. Okay.

I joked that the main contribution we made to the battle against AIDS was to get the manufacturers to change from a jewelry store to a grocery store strategy.

My interlocutor thought I was joking. What the Chinese practice is rule by law the law as defined by the Communist Party to its own advantage.

In one of my books, I joke that Ben Jerry's should make a pacifist toothpaste doesn't kill germs, just asks them to leave.

And man, let me tell you, whoever figures out how to make money off of this frustration will oh, how did that get up there? Just kidding.

Now, I know that you wanted some more bad news about the environment I'm kidding but these are the recapitulation slides, and then I'm going to go into new material about what you can do.

I joke, but I only half joke, that if you come to one of our hospitals missing a limb, no one will believe you till they get a CAT scan, MRI or orthopedic consult.

Or another one of our designers, Altay Sendil he s here having his chest waxed, not because he s very vain, although actually he is no, I m kidding but in order to empathize with the pain that chronic care patients go through when they re having dressings removed.

Sometimes I half joke that the primary metric that I monitor is my email inbox count When it s high, I m too busy and stretched thin when it s low, I m on top of things and able to concentrate on more important matters.

He snips it, throws the tip over his shoulder, and then grabs the scrotum and pushes it upward, and then his head dips down, obscuring my view, but what I hear is a slurping sound, and a noise that sounds like Velcro being yanked off a sticky wall and I am not even kidding.